two

you are 14 1/2 months now and turning into quite the little girl. it's crazy. I thought you were a baby, and now you are toddleresque. you started counting...and I just don't believe it. you have like 50 words, and repeat everything we say. the other day we were going to taco tuesday and you said taco. so the counting. we were watching sesame street and they got to nine and you said ten! then daddy came home and he said one and you said two three four. it amazes us. and you get a kick out of it too. so now we try and sometime you get it right, and other times you just scream jibberish in a counting way. you are in your crib going to sleep and I overheard you say two. it was funny. you always sleep with a different baby and when we get you out in the morning you always say baby and want to grab it and carry it up stairs with you to our room. sometimes the animal is as big as you are. amber is helping watch you now too, and she has been really good to you. she is teaching you a lot and even had you go potty in the potty a few times. you like to kick the ball and she gets elmo or ernie to kick it back to you. we had the vacuum on today and you were trying to figure out how to turn it on, so I did it with my foot. so instead of pushing the button, you grabbed my foot and put it back on there to turn it on. I don't think you got that it works with your hand too. you like to throw things away, so I always send you to the garbage with something. sometimes you make it there and other times you pull stuff out..like the empty box of mike and ikes you can't get enough of. you love your sweets. even if you get them and I hide them behind me or somewhere you seem to find them. you LOVE going outside. and your cutest word is outside..the way you say it is soo up out siiiieeede??? you know putting your hat on or shoes or snow outfit means outside, so you try to get us to put those on for you. today you were running around naked and brought us the snowsuit, we said you need to get a diaper and you ran to your room and brought us a full one... it was funny. then you peed on the couch before we got the other one. but alas, we got you dressed and took you two houses down so you could see rudolph up in the tree. you love it. you love the water and baths.. and when the bath is over you say "bye" to it. it's funny you say bye and hi to animals and things...cars, clothes, the park. it's cute. we took an overnight trip to ocean shores and it was fun to take you to the beach. you say beash. you loved it. we went in the pool together and took a bath after. we also took a nineteen hour road trip to palm springs with you! and you hate your carseat!!! you scream most the time, or wine..or whatever, and it's so annoying there is nothing I can do to get you to stop and I have to try and entertain you the whole time. so , we traveled through the night, and made it fairly easy! we went to manhattan beach and played. you are done putting the sand in your mouth and just enjoy running free and building sand castles with daddy, and its very relaxing. then we took you to disneyland!!! you were in such awe and wonder, it was fun to watch you!!!! I thought you were too young, but you really enjoyed it! we took you on the pooh ride and your eyes were so big in amazement, and we were done, you said more more. so we went on it again. it was probably the only ride with a five minute wait, so that was awesome. you loved the little minnie and mickey houses. they had an active dishwasher you couldn't get enough of. you got to see pluto, and you shook your head no and didn't want to go to him. then you saw mikey mouse and you gave him a kiss on the nose. it was precious! you say ah-huh and eh-eh a lot and plz, and dankyou, and omi and opi, and antee, doggie (finally!) but you wont say giselle and when we point to family pics you point out people, but you call yourself baby. you love putting clothes on especially with animals or whatever on them and you say wow and go to the bathroom and have me lift you up to see what you look like. and then we laugh! and you have started saying wow as a question..like is this a wow moment? wow? it's hilarious.. and I am like yes this is a wow!!! you love elmo too. you say elmo all the time, and auntie kristina got you a pair of slippers with elmo heads and you really like those. you jump in the air and do a lot of automic butt drops. you still tickle and you tickle the dog and hunter. you tried feeding hunter the other day. you would put the cheese in his mouth and you give him hugs. and sometimes you take things from him and say no. like his binkie and then you put it in your mouth. I am trying to teach you to share. you are very outgoing and run over to any kids and take whatever they have...so then I have to tell you to share and give it back. a girl had two rackets and a ball. and you wanted the ball. she gave you the racket to play pass the ball. she put the ball in your racket and you took the ball and handed her the racket back. you like to talk on the phone and have conversations and sometimes push the buttons and put it on mute. you love to push the buttons on the computer too. you are very silly and love to laugh and make everyone laugh. you do "chins" which miki taught you and we say chins and you basically push your head back to create double triple chins. it looks silly. you laugh all the time and just have fun. k, love you mommy

oh and

you also started whispering, you talk jibberjab and whisper to us if we whisper to you. it's sounds precious.

baby

we took you to the fair today! you loved the parade, all the animals and high school bands came through, you would clap and dance and wave. you dance at night and it cracks me up. you do squats and clap and go around in circles. you love the hokey pokey, but for some reason every time I sing "rock a bye baby" you scream. it's so funny. you are now showing so many preferences. you pick out your shoes. you put on one of each the other day. it's very cute. you still go a hundred miles per hour. we went to bend oregon for vacation and you had a blast. lots of swimming and they had a fountain splash area that you were fascinated with. you ate eggs every morning with grandma and went golfing w/ gpa and dad and me. you loved running around and chasing the balls. you say "shoes" and eye, and hi and sometimes nana for hunter. and a lot of the time you just scream for what you want. it's getting louder and louder. we are trying to teach you to say more or please or use your words, but you get frustrated right away and want things right away. you are figuring everything out on your own. you open containers and put them back, and you put things in and out and throw things in the garbage. you are figuring things out very quickly. you almost can reach the door and now I will have to childproof those. you love going up and down the stairs. and you don't like to be held much because you would rather be running as fast as you can with your head down like a bull, it's crazy. we are just trying to keep you alive right now, and you are having the time of your life. you still pick up everything you see and put it in your mouth. dirt, rocks, you name it, if you could choke on it, you stick it in your mouth. and you love outlets of course. but you still give the best hugs and you say "mwaa" when you kiss, and you are starting to pretend hit and you say "ow". I think that is your favorite thing to do. I need to figure out a way for you to stop, but then right after you hug and kiss. you get so excited to see me when I come home from work. you get the biggest smile on your face, and I love holding you. I think of you all the time. and miss you so much when I am not with you. you went on the front of daddy's bike in bend too, we got a seat that sits on the handle bars and you loved it. you put your lil pink helmet on and enjoy the ride. you fed the ducks and saw horses and deer. we tried to put you on a pony a month ago and you weren't sure about it and wanted off. you didn't like when it started moving. I think it scared you. you are very outgoing and go up to everyone, but every one and a while you get shy and come to me. it's cute. you say uppa all the time too. even to get down, but you will figure it out. love you baby! your mommy's baby.

if nothing else, I hope you are kind

oh love, so many things I want to teach you, and I hope someday you may actually read this and maybe it will at be something for you to at least think about before you make decisions. if nothing else, I hope you are kind. I know it is already in you to be kind. I have seen you share and love and give and smile. you love life, so I know it will be easy to share your gift of happiness and joy with others, and if you're heart and life are full, it will be easy for you to overflow your love to others. but, at times it may be difficult to be kind. I remember middle school and how catty girls are. it is so silly and your friends change as you enter high school, but it is enough for you to want to fight back. you need to remember that you may not know why someone is mean to you or why they make up stories about you, but just think they may have been hurt or are in a bad place in their life, and have no other way to express their hurt. it doesn't make their actions okay, but how you respond to their actions says a lot about your character. please be kind. they may already have a broken soul. you owe it to yourself and to spread love to not spread more hate or nastiness around. you can reach out to others to get the help you need to get through this but learning to forgive others is the only way to release yourself from the pain others inflict on you. not by fighting back, it will just make it worse. this will take a lot of patience and understanding, even at a time when you may just chalk it all up to being hormonal teenagers, but just remember to rise above it. also, be kind to others who have struggled and need a friend. don't turn your back on those around you who need someone to love them. it's not okay to make fun of others because you think they are different, or uncool. embrace who they are, and learn from them. put your self in others shoes.

another month has flown by

unreal, you are just changing before my eyes. today we went on a hike to tiger mountain, and daddy carried you in the backpack..you talked the whole time. you really can talk. i love it, and hope it scared the bears away. I started to feel anxious on the hike now that you are with us. I know the chance of something happening is so slim, but now that I have you I am like a mother bear w/my cub and couldn't live with anything happening to you out in the woods. but, you loved the hike, so I am sure we will go again, but probably just a more traveled road than the one we were on. so, I guess you tried to eat amber's foot the other day because you thought it looked like a blueberry with her nail polish...you poop blue, you LOVE blueberries so much! you went on your first camping trip with your cousins and you were so good baby! we even brought the pack n play and at bed time, we just put you in there, and with all the noise and different environment, I went and peeked in at you and you just sat there and drank your bottle until you fell asleep. I don't know if I have posted how my life has changed..you are sleeping through the night!!! I had to go to a work meeting and your daddy put you in your own room and had you sleep there. maybe it's not seeing us, but you just go right to sleep and you don't even cry! the first night you cried for a few minutes, but knowing your personality and the struggle we have had w/sleep I thought it would never work. it's crazy!!! best gift to sleep! you wake up around 7, and I am still just shocked. you gave gg a bloody lip. you are such a crazy girl, running around and bouncing your head around and you popped her one! I felt horrible, but she loves you so much, she just doesn't care what you do. you climbed and hung on the wine cooler today, just using all your arm strength..you are a tough cookie! I can't believe all you do. you go down the slide by yourself, and gpa didn't realize you would and you walked up the big swirly one and went down before he could get you! you are learning german, and even respond when I say a few words.. hensitzen and you sit down. it's wild to have you start understanding me. and I can't believe you are just picking up two languages! and sign language a little too. Auntie Debbie taught you more and you get so excited to use that, and now thank you. it's precious. you are learning your body too...you love pointing to your belly button when we ask where it is, and your ear and nose. but sometimes I say where is your nose, and you point to your ear. you also are picking up on everything! you love talking on the cell phone (oops!), and you grab the keys to go outside, and you try and put the leash on lucy, and you even picked up a qtip and tried to put it in your ear. you are working on the big legos and putting pieces together, but you get really frustrated trying to figure out things when they don't fit together. you scream..you must learn some patience as new things take a while to figure out. but, you are so determined and so curious, nothing stops you! you get tired of sitting in the carseat for too long, and it's exhausting at times trying to entertain you. but, you are such a happy baby, and your face is such a light. your smile is so beautiful and it lights up your whole face. your whole face literally smiles and I just melt. you are such a precious gift. i love you!

almost your birthday

next week is your first birthday! I can't believe it's been a year since I was in labor with you. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The pain, excitement, holding you, and feeding you. It was amazing. this last year has been amazing. I can't believe you are turning in to a little toddler right before my eyes. I want to keep you little forever, but every stage I have loved watching, but I just miss you being my baby. you are so miss independent now, and I want to hold you and kiss you, and you just want to run around. but, you do come back and surprise me with hugs or kisses. or blow raspberries on my skin and laugh. you still are breastfeeding, and it's something I will miss. you even point to my chest and say eyhhh in a high pitch voice when you are wanting to feed. you prefer my milk to the bottle but do both, and this next few weeks we will transition you away from feeding. my little baby is growing up. we celebrated your birthday at your grammy and grandpy's house in longview over fourth of july. I dressed you up like a doll and took a ton of pictures of you, and grammy made you a beautiful little cake, and we got to watch you dig in. although, I was hoping for a big mess, but you didn't like the feel of the whipped cream on your hands so you barely wanted to touch or eat it! I couldn't believe it, as you usually want to mess up everything. we even took you inside and set you in the high chair and Auntie Maria got you a cupcake, but you didn't want much to do with it either. sooo we ate it!!! it was good! you got your first doll and love to baby it. it's amazing how instinctual it is for you to rock her and feed her the little bottle. we went to a little farm and you got to sit on a pony and see a huge pig! you liked it, but were more interested in the toys in the front yard. you ran your first race! you were the littlest one with 2 and under kids and they all took off and ran to their mommy's but you just stood there and looked at everybody. it was pretty cute! you fell asleep before the fireworks show, so next year we will get to see what you think of it all. last year you were in my tummy for the show! it's amazing what happens in a year! we will celebrate your birthday again with your peps friends in a few weeks..it will be fun to see all the wobbly one year old friends of yours! k, love you!!! you finally passed out, it's close to 11.

hi love

you are just over 11 months now, and keep changing so fast! you still have a fascination with the toilet and eating the toilet paper, and you love other kids, and are a chatterbox! you talk to us nonstop. you learned to blow kisses (your hand is backwards but you say mwaaa), and you are climbing on everything. this morning, I went to the fridge and look back and you are on your highchair tray balancing and holing the back of it. that could have been a complete disaster!!! ughh, you scare me all the time! you always want to go up and down the stairs to. you love the little red car at ercolini park, and you ride in it and slip back, since you drive it backwards in circles. you love my computer, so I got you a little one, and you like to stand and sit on it and make noises. you are more gentle with hunter, you are still very interested in him, and you love to give kisses. I think your first word after dad was doll..I was pointing and reading to you in a book and you said it after I did. and you say mom more now, and I swear I heard you say kissy after you kissed something. soooo cute you are. you do not like to sit still ever. I wish I could hold you but you are on the go all the time. back in forth walking in our living room, picking things up and talking along the way. you still wake up in the night, and I am so tired, but somethings gotta give at some point I hope. you godsissies are coming over to watch you today and you are going with them to some fair which I am sure you will love. we love you and just love watching you and playing with you. we got a boat and you have had fun driving it, your little life jacket is really tight on your head and you have to turn your whole body to turn your head. we are going to a concert at the zoo this weekend, so we can take you and enjoy the show too. your dad is running a marathon on saturday too. k, love you, mommy.

honey, you started picking you nose today. you are so advanced.

baby girl

You are 10 months now and I can't believe it! You love to give kisses. you will wake up in the morning and look at me and kiss me and then look at daddy and kiss daddy. and then me and back and forth. it's pretty cute, if it wasn't so early. last month you started walking!!! you are the cutest wobbliest thing and you put your arms in the air and run to us and fall over. it's really cute. and you are so proud of yourself. you got your first boo boo on your knee..a few little red marks. and you are testing climbing over all your toys, and you have taken a few good headers. one time you had blood on your teeth. but, most of the time you fall pretty hard, but you don't even notice and just get right back up. at the farmers market you fell and the guy who saw you said you were tough. and at the ymca I always laugh cause you don't stop going. the lady who watched you said you don't slow down. and last time I heard a lady get called in to get her child and I was happy it wasn't you, but of course you had something to do with it. you mauled one of the kids..which I think was your attempt of giving him kisses, since you just don't know. and so he started bawling, and then he was fine, until you started doing your high pitched scream and he started crying again! so, she had to call the mom. you love your cousin hunter and you still love to go and touch him or shake the toy he is in, but you are still not gentle enough since you don't understand. you laugh and are happy all the time! we took you to california for your dad's work trip and we spent a ton of time in the pool and you loved to scoot around and would get right in the middle of the action of any kids you came across. it was like a walker in the water. and you and I had a good time walking to the beach and watching the surfers. we went and saw auntie shari too and had dinner. you had fun at the park and climbed the stairs and through the tunnel. this month was the first month I left you for overnight alone with her dad. mommy had a much needed trip with Auntie Andrea to vegas. it was fun, but I missed you and was so worried how daddie and grammy would do with you. I am the one who fed you at night, so I didn't know how you would do without me, but daddy said you didn't even miss me! you did so good, and when I came home, you actually slept better through the night ( although that didn't last long). then daddy went to chicago for a week, and I was too scared to stay here with just you, so we stayed the night at auntie gina's and then granny and grandpa came up to be here with us. you still do the leetle leetle loodle loodle talk all the time. and we got you a pool for the summer.

i can't get enough of you

you are 9 mos old now. how can I stop time...I am watching you stand now and you took your first steps that you landed w/out falling today. and I am so proud of you, but I am so sad that I am losing my baby. you look so cute when you crawl, and I can't imagine you not crawling any more, so I am holding on to you crawling across the floor at top speed of course. and you do a lil move when you turn and sit really quick and look at everything around you..like you just start going and don't know where you end up or where you are going until you take a break and look around. I love watching you crawl. I am going to miss it. maybe it will be around a little longer, but I am watching you get more confident in your balance every day, so it wont be long. we just got back from dana point today. we had a fun trip and you loved the baby pool. we had a floaty and you could stand so you would scoot across like you were in your walker though the water. and you love being in the middle of everyones business. any kid or parent that would come over, you would just scoot over to them and want to be a part of it. you aren't afraid of anyone, and you just smile and try to talk to them. it's really cute. you still do your leedle leedle, loodle loodle, yoodling talk and you still say hey and hi on occasion. and now you say hey and you want me to repeat it, and we go back and forth for a while. and if I clap or wave my arms in the air, you do the same. and you also imitate what I think is us talking on the phone. you hold up the remote, or show or whatever to your ear, and start having a yodeling conversation. it's unreal. (and sad that we are on the phone too much), but I can't believe how much you are picking up on. and you love giving hugs and kisses mostly to other kids, but you surprise us all the time by all the love you give us. I love holding you and kissing you. I just can't get enough of you. I could gobble you up in all your glorious baby chunkiness. I love the rolls on your thighs and the tight wrist bracelets look you have going on. it's so soft to touch. and I know it wont be around forever. you saw a lot of dogs too and you always want to go right up to them. today a pooch licked your face when you crawled over to him. you love it. so you ate a lot of sand on this trip and continue to put anything you can in your mouth. and you liked the sand. you kept putting more in like you enjoyed it. we try and say uh oh to you and you kind of pause, but continue doing whatever it is you aren't supposed to be doing. your favorite room to scoot to is still the bathroom. you love the toilet. I dont get it, but you are all over it! and rolling the toilet paper roll out. I am hoping you will be easy to potty train! okay, you are sleeping, so I better get some sleep while I can. I love you and think you are amazing. every day you surprise me.

hi baby love

wow, you are 8 months old now and quite the beautiful lively little one! you are so happy I can't stand it. you just laugh and smile with glee all the time. even when you are sleeping you smile and laugh. it's very sweet. every morning you still wake up with a big smile. it's help my sleepy head get up when I don't want to. you are very curious and of course want everything you shouldn't have. you love taking my magazines and ripping them and any toilet paper, and you always run for the toilet to try and put your hand in it. and the remote control and phone. I even give you a fake remote and you still want the real one. and if I hide things you see what I am doing and you don't forget and you go and get it. you love to give kisses, but recently you have started using your teeth a little and you think it's funny. I am trying to teach you uh-oh and gentle but you think it's funny. then I think it's funny, but I try not to laugh since I am trying to have you get it. you love your scooter and chasing poor lucy around the kitchen. you go really fast. and you love going on walks to the park and going on the swing and the little scoot toy. You stand behind it and push it too. you are standing for long periods of time and get pretty proud of yourself, but you don't step forward you just fall on your butt. you still say dada all the time and I think you know it's him. we were looking out the window and you said hey dada when you saw him. and you know who your doggy is too. every morning you me and lucy are on the bed together for a little while and you let her give you kisses and then you shy away..it's a little game you like to play with her. it's funny to watch you two together. this weekend we went to the beach to work on the property and you saw grandpa and just wanted to be held by him..and you love your baby cousin hunter who was also there, but you always try to attack him and grab him, but you are not gentle with him, so we have to hold you away. you watch eebee baby for a few minutes. everytime the sound comes on for it, you turn your head so fast to watch it, and you are fascinated for a few minutes then it's off to something else. you love to play with your toys and can entertain yourself for a good half hour if you are in the mood..you crawl across the living room from toy to toy and standing playing the piano, then scooting on to something else. you like to eat everything, and chew on everything. last night I gave you a popcorn box while we were putting groceries away and you chewed through it so quickly and started choking on the paper! gosh..freaked me out again. I didn't think you could get through it that quickly. you had your first ear ache, but your spirits were still great. you seemed a little fussy and you had a bad cold and cough and your temp was 100.9, so I took you in, and you are on your first antibiotic. in the morning you drink it just fine, but at night it's a struggle for you and your dad to try and get you to swallow it. you turn your head so quickly and fight it. we even tried to slip it in while you were breastfeeding and you know what we are doing. you enjoy spending time with kristina, your nanny. it's just the two of you since the other family left, and hunter comes over sometimes too. but, you get so happy to see her in the morning, so it's easy to let you go so you can play with her. she is teaching you german, and she takes really good care of you. lots of fun in the stroller and park. but, I still want to be home with you and I know how fast this time goes. I cherish every minute with you, and can't wait to be home with you all the time. you are my heart. I love you so much, and I can't believe how amazing you are. oh, and you also talk like a smoker sometimes..you get this really skreachy old sound in your throat,it's got to hurt. and you also do a very high pitch hieee and heyyy.it's cute. love you. mom

g

giselle- you are 8 mos. now. you are sitting in the baby bjorn on my lap and keep hitting your head back at me. and saying hey.. hey. it's pretty funny. you have been in good spirits, but you have your first ear infection from your cold that you have had almost a week. I can't believe you have been so happy despite not feeling well. so this month I went back to work, and I think it was harder on me than it has been on you. you seem to enjoy time with the nanny kristina. she is very good to you and is teaching you german. you smile every morning I take you downstairs to see her. and you also smile the first thing you get up in the morning. a huge grin across your face. you absolutely love life. and you get excited cause you and lucy and me hang out on the bed and you

It's my last month of maternity leave and I come out of this feeling like a changed woman. I am now a mother. I never knew how deeply I could care for her. I am so in love with this little baby girl. I can look at her and cry. My focus for the last seven months has been everything but work. Where as up to this point, I have worked so hard to focus on my job, and making everything fall into place to get a good job. A good job, but a stressful one. Now, I have lived to live. I have taken every moment and just soaked it in. Every moment. It has given me the chance to remember what in this life I cherish most, and to reprioritize everything. I have awakened my soul. I have taken every moment and relished in it, knowing I go back to work in February. In a way, it has been good to know I only have so much time, because I don't take any of it for granted. I wake to her smiling happy face and watch her grow every day. I can't explain how I fill my days, but they are full. They make my heart full. I wish I didn't have to go back to work. I can't stand the thought of leaving her. I worry. I worry about everything. I am scared she will cry for too long, I am scared she will need me and I am not there. I am scared she could even die. I have anxiety about it all the time. We have a wonderful nanny who will be watching her, but I feel the need to tell her all my concerns..don't leave her by herself, don't let strangers touch her, don't get too close to the ledge at the zoo... I feel like I am going insane, but I can't let go of my fears. I want to be the one with her. I don't care about my job anymore, I care about being with her. I couldn't have picked a better time to feel this way. With the economy in the crapper, I have to work. I need to provide, and I need to help pay for everything. The thing is, everything doesn't matter to me anymore. I have all I want. I have my family, and I have my friends. It's just we are stuck with a big house and a huge mortgage. I also do want to provide the best things for my family. But, I also want to be Giselle's mom. I want to teach her everyday, and be a mom. I have also awakened my creative side. I have always loved photography, but never felt like I could understand the camera. It seemed so technical and that is not my thing. But, I finally took a women's workshop, and realized I can do it, and I feel completely inspired. My passion is becoming real. It's crazy to think I could possibly make a living doing something I love. This next month I am going to enjoy every minute of it. I will see how the transition from flip flops and sweats to suits goes. If I can even fit into them!