It's my last month of maternity leave and I come out of this feeling like a changed woman. I am now a mother. I never knew how deeply I could care for her. I am so in love with this little baby girl. I can look at her and cry. My focus for the last seven months has been everything but work. Where as up to this point, I have worked so hard to focus on my job, and making everything fall into place to get a good job. A good job, but a stressful one. Now, I have lived to live. I have taken every moment and just soaked it in. Every moment. It has given me the chance to remember what in this life I cherish most, and to reprioritize everything. I have awakened my soul. I have taken every moment and relished in it, knowing I go back to work in February. In a way, it has been good to know I only have so much time, because I don't take any of it for granted. I wake to her smiling happy face and watch her grow every day. I can't explain how I fill my days, but they are full. They make my heart full. I wish I didn't have to go back to work. I can't stand the thought of leaving her. I worry. I worry about everything. I am scared she will cry for too long, I am scared she will need me and I am not there. I am scared she could even die. I have anxiety about it all the time. We have a wonderful nanny who will be watching her, but I feel the need to tell her all my concerns..don't leave her by herself, don't let strangers touch her, don't get too close to the ledge at the zoo... I feel like I am going insane, but I can't let go of my fears. I want to be the one with her. I don't care about my job anymore, I care about being with her. I couldn't have picked a better time to feel this way. With the economy in the crapper, I have to work. I need to provide, and I need to help pay for everything. The thing is, everything doesn't matter to me anymore. I have all I want. I have my family, and I have my friends. It's just we are stuck with a big house and a huge mortgage. I also do want to provide the best things for my family. But, I also want to be Giselle's mom. I want to teach her everyday, and be a mom. I have also awakened my creative side. I have always loved photography, but never felt like I could understand the camera. It seemed so technical and that is not my thing. But, I finally took a women's workshop, and realized I can do it, and I feel completely inspired. My passion is becoming real. It's crazy to think I could possibly make a living doing something I love. This next month I am going to enjoy every minute of it. I will see how the transition from flip flops and sweats to suits goes. If I can even fit into them!