if nothing else, I hope you are kind

oh love, so many things I want to teach you, and I hope someday you may actually read this and maybe it will at be something for you to at least think about before you make decisions. if nothing else, I hope you are kind. I know it is already in you to be kind. I have seen you share and love and give and smile. you love life, so I know it will be easy to share your gift of happiness and joy with others, and if you're heart and life are full, it will be easy for you to overflow your love to others. but, at times it may be difficult to be kind. I remember middle school and how catty girls are. it is so silly and your friends change as you enter high school, but it is enough for you to want to fight back. you need to remember that you may not know why someone is mean to you or why they make up stories about you, but just think they may have been hurt or are in a bad place in their life, and have no other way to express their hurt. it doesn't make their actions okay, but how you respond to their actions says a lot about your character. please be kind. they may already have a broken soul. you owe it to yourself and to spread love to not spread more hate or nastiness around. you can reach out to others to get the help you need to get through this but learning to forgive others is the only way to release yourself from the pain others inflict on you. not by fighting back, it will just make it worse. this will take a lot of patience and understanding, even at a time when you may just chalk it all up to being hormonal teenagers, but just remember to rise above it. also, be kind to others who have struggled and need a friend. don't turn your back on those around you who need someone to love them. it's not okay to make fun of others because you think they are different, or uncool. embrace who they are, and learn from them. put your self in others shoes.

another month has flown by

unreal, you are just changing before my eyes. today we went on a hike to tiger mountain, and daddy carried you in the backpack..you talked the whole time. you really can talk. i love it, and hope it scared the bears away. I started to feel anxious on the hike now that you are with us. I know the chance of something happening is so slim, but now that I have you I am like a mother bear w/my cub and couldn't live with anything happening to you out in the woods. but, you loved the hike, so I am sure we will go again, but probably just a more traveled road than the one we were on. so, I guess you tried to eat amber's foot the other day because you thought it looked like a blueberry with her nail polish...you poop blue, you LOVE blueberries so much! you went on your first camping trip with your cousins and you were so good baby! we even brought the pack n play and at bed time, we just put you in there, and with all the noise and different environment, I went and peeked in at you and you just sat there and drank your bottle until you fell asleep. I don't know if I have posted how my life has changed..you are sleeping through the night!!! I had to go to a work meeting and your daddy put you in your own room and had you sleep there. maybe it's not seeing us, but you just go right to sleep and you don't even cry! the first night you cried for a few minutes, but knowing your personality and the struggle we have had w/sleep I thought it would never work. it's crazy!!! best gift to sleep! you wake up around 7, and I am still just shocked. you gave gg a bloody lip. you are such a crazy girl, running around and bouncing your head around and you popped her one! I felt horrible, but she loves you so much, she just doesn't care what you do. you climbed and hung on the wine cooler today, just using all your arm strength..you are a tough cookie! I can't believe all you do. you go down the slide by yourself, and gpa didn't realize you would and you walked up the big swirly one and went down before he could get you! you are learning german, and even respond when I say a few words.. hensitzen and you sit down. it's wild to have you start understanding me. and I can't believe you are just picking up two languages! and sign language a little too. Auntie Debbie taught you more and you get so excited to use that, and now thank you. it's precious. you are learning your body too...you love pointing to your belly button when we ask where it is, and your ear and nose. but sometimes I say where is your nose, and you point to your ear. you also are picking up on everything! you love talking on the cell phone (oops!), and you grab the keys to go outside, and you try and put the leash on lucy, and you even picked up a qtip and tried to put it in your ear. you are working on the big legos and putting pieces together, but you get really frustrated trying to figure out things when they don't fit together. you scream..you must learn some patience as new things take a while to figure out. but, you are so determined and so curious, nothing stops you! you get tired of sitting in the carseat for too long, and it's exhausting at times trying to entertain you. but, you are such a happy baby, and your face is such a light. your smile is so beautiful and it lights up your whole face. your whole face literally smiles and I just melt. you are such a precious gift. i love you!

almost your birthday

next week is your first birthday! I can't believe it's been a year since I was in labor with you. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The pain, excitement, holding you, and feeding you. It was amazing. this last year has been amazing. I can't believe you are turning in to a little toddler right before my eyes. I want to keep you little forever, but every stage I have loved watching, but I just miss you being my baby. you are so miss independent now, and I want to hold you and kiss you, and you just want to run around. but, you do come back and surprise me with hugs or kisses. or blow raspberries on my skin and laugh. you still are breastfeeding, and it's something I will miss. you even point to my chest and say eyhhh in a high pitch voice when you are wanting to feed. you prefer my milk to the bottle but do both, and this next few weeks we will transition you away from feeding. my little baby is growing up. we celebrated your birthday at your grammy and grandpy's house in longview over fourth of july. I dressed you up like a doll and took a ton of pictures of you, and grammy made you a beautiful little cake, and we got to watch you dig in. although, I was hoping for a big mess, but you didn't like the feel of the whipped cream on your hands so you barely wanted to touch or eat it! I couldn't believe it, as you usually want to mess up everything. we even took you inside and set you in the high chair and Auntie Maria got you a cupcake, but you didn't want much to do with it either. sooo we ate it!!! it was good! you got your first doll and love to baby it. it's amazing how instinctual it is for you to rock her and feed her the little bottle. we went to a little farm and you got to sit on a pony and see a huge pig! you liked it, but were more interested in the toys in the front yard. you ran your first race! you were the littlest one with 2 and under kids and they all took off and ran to their mommy's but you just stood there and looked at everybody. it was pretty cute! you fell asleep before the fireworks show, so next year we will get to see what you think of it all. last year you were in my tummy for the show! it's amazing what happens in a year! we will celebrate your birthday again with your peps friends in a few weeks..it will be fun to see all the wobbly one year old friends of yours! k, love you!!! you finally passed out, it's close to 11.

hi love

you are just over 11 months now, and keep changing so fast! you still have a fascination with the toilet and eating the toilet paper, and you love other kids, and are a chatterbox! you talk to us nonstop. you learned to blow kisses (your hand is backwards but you say mwaaa), and you are climbing on everything. this morning, I went to the fridge and look back and you are on your highchair tray balancing and holing the back of it. that could have been a complete disaster!!! ughh, you scare me all the time! you always want to go up and down the stairs to. you love the little red car at ercolini park, and you ride in it and slip back, since you drive it backwards in circles. you love my computer, so I got you a little one, and you like to stand and sit on it and make noises. you are more gentle with hunter, you are still very interested in him, and you love to give kisses. I think your first word after dad was doll..I was pointing and reading to you in a book and you said it after I did. and you say mom more now, and I swear I heard you say kissy after you kissed something. soooo cute you are. you do not like to sit still ever. I wish I could hold you but you are on the go all the time. back in forth walking in our living room, picking things up and talking along the way. you still wake up in the night, and I am so tired, but somethings gotta give at some point I hope. you godsissies are coming over to watch you today and you are going with them to some fair which I am sure you will love. we love you and just love watching you and playing with you. we got a boat and you have had fun driving it, your little life jacket is really tight on your head and you have to turn your whole body to turn your head. we are going to a concert at the zoo this weekend, so we can take you and enjoy the show too. your dad is running a marathon on saturday too. k, love you, mommy.

honey, you started picking you nose today. you are so advanced.

baby girl

You are 10 months now and I can't believe it! You love to give kisses. you will wake up in the morning and look at me and kiss me and then look at daddy and kiss daddy. and then me and back and forth. it's pretty cute, if it wasn't so early. last month you started walking!!! you are the cutest wobbliest thing and you put your arms in the air and run to us and fall over. it's really cute. and you are so proud of yourself. you got your first boo boo on your knee..a few little red marks. and you are testing climbing over all your toys, and you have taken a few good headers. one time you had blood on your teeth. but, most of the time you fall pretty hard, but you don't even notice and just get right back up. at the farmers market you fell and the guy who saw you said you were tough. and at the ymca I always laugh cause you don't stop going. the lady who watched you said you don't slow down. and last time I heard a lady get called in to get her child and I was happy it wasn't you, but of course you had something to do with it. you mauled one of the kids..which I think was your attempt of giving him kisses, since you just don't know. and so he started bawling, and then he was fine, until you started doing your high pitched scream and he started crying again! so, she had to call the mom. you love your cousin hunter and you still love to go and touch him or shake the toy he is in, but you are still not gentle enough since you don't understand. you laugh and are happy all the time! we took you to california for your dad's work trip and we spent a ton of time in the pool and you loved to scoot around and would get right in the middle of the action of any kids you came across. it was like a walker in the water. and you and I had a good time walking to the beach and watching the surfers. we went and saw auntie shari too and had dinner. you had fun at the park and climbed the stairs and through the tunnel. this month was the first month I left you for overnight alone with her dad. mommy had a much needed trip with Auntie Andrea to vegas. it was fun, but I missed you and was so worried how daddie and grammy would do with you. I am the one who fed you at night, so I didn't know how you would do without me, but daddy said you didn't even miss me! you did so good, and when I came home, you actually slept better through the night ( although that didn't last long). then daddy went to chicago for a week, and I was too scared to stay here with just you, so we stayed the night at auntie gina's and then granny and grandpa came up to be here with us. you still do the leetle leetle loodle loodle talk all the time. and we got you a pool for the summer.

i can't get enough of you

you are 9 mos old now. how can I stop time...I am watching you stand now and you took your first steps that you landed w/out falling today. and I am so proud of you, but I am so sad that I am losing my baby. you look so cute when you crawl, and I can't imagine you not crawling any more, so I am holding on to you crawling across the floor at top speed of course. and you do a lil move when you turn and sit really quick and look at everything around you..like you just start going and don't know where you end up or where you are going until you take a break and look around. I love watching you crawl. I am going to miss it. maybe it will be around a little longer, but I am watching you get more confident in your balance every day, so it wont be long. we just got back from dana point today. we had a fun trip and you loved the baby pool. we had a floaty and you could stand so you would scoot across like you were in your walker though the water. and you love being in the middle of everyones business. any kid or parent that would come over, you would just scoot over to them and want to be a part of it. you aren't afraid of anyone, and you just smile and try to talk to them. it's really cute. you still do your leedle leedle, loodle loodle, yoodling talk and you still say hey and hi on occasion. and now you say hey and you want me to repeat it, and we go back and forth for a while. and if I clap or wave my arms in the air, you do the same. and you also imitate what I think is us talking on the phone. you hold up the remote, or show or whatever to your ear, and start having a yodeling conversation. it's unreal. (and sad that we are on the phone too much), but I can't believe how much you are picking up on. and you love giving hugs and kisses mostly to other kids, but you surprise us all the time by all the love you give us. I love holding you and kissing you. I just can't get enough of you. I could gobble you up in all your glorious baby chunkiness. I love the rolls on your thighs and the tight wrist bracelets look you have going on. it's so soft to touch. and I know it wont be around forever. you saw a lot of dogs too and you always want to go right up to them. today a pooch licked your face when you crawled over to him. you love it. so you ate a lot of sand on this trip and continue to put anything you can in your mouth. and you liked the sand. you kept putting more in like you enjoyed it. we try and say uh oh to you and you kind of pause, but continue doing whatever it is you aren't supposed to be doing. your favorite room to scoot to is still the bathroom. you love the toilet. I dont get it, but you are all over it! and rolling the toilet paper roll out. I am hoping you will be easy to potty train! okay, you are sleeping, so I better get some sleep while I can. I love you and think you are amazing. every day you surprise me.